The Secret Diary of Narendra Modi.

Happy Weekend Reading. Enjoy.

When I recently came down with swine flu (strangely, just after my Russia trip), the whole of Gujarat was praying for my speedy recovery. But what inspired me most was the state police’s quick reaction in nabbing those responsible for passing on the flu. The CID, at last count, had rounded up 1,654 mosquitoes and subjected them to third degree interrogation. As many as 1,600 (54 died in police custody) have confessed in writing that they had injected the H1N1 virus into my body (of course, it’s another matter that swine flu is transmitted from humans to humans). Anyway, the confessions proved that mosquitoes can indeed be “persuaded” to sign confessional statements, provided the pen is Mont Blanc. The CID also took extreme care to arrest Hindu, Muslim and Buddhist Anopheles in equal number to prove their secular credentials.

Not one to be kept out of the action, the state intelligence also did its bit. They rounded up 1,400 hapless swine and have extracted confessional statements to show a CIA hand. Sample this revelation from an accused referred to in the report only as Pig 5: “I and two others caught the train to Patna from where we crossed the border into Nepal. In Kathmandu, we were met by a CIA operative who indoctrinated/trained us in the mechanics of spreading the disease in India. We were told our target should be prominent Gujarat bureaucrats and politicians including Shri Narendra Modi....” Ironically, Pig 6 also made a similar confession. For that matter, so did Pig 1400. Rather strange, isn’t it?

Incidentally, there were even plans to send a special police team to Russia to see if it was all a Commie conspiracy. But the trip was scrapped when doctors pointed out that I might well have contracted the virus before my foreign trip. Finally, when it became clear to the investigators that pigs don’t fly and can’t spread swine flu, they rounded up 100 human suspects afflicted with a common cold and guilty of sneezing all too frequently in public. All of them will have to prove that they did not come within striking distance of Narendrabhai Modi. Meanwhile, my health secretary, Ravi Saxena, also came down with the virus and has been quarantined. So too have colleagues who came in touch with him. In fact, there has been a rash of h1n1 cases involving bureaucrats which has led my senior police officers to float many conspiracy theories.

Well, that apart, my time in quarantine was well spent. I took out and dusted my footwear collection (150 pairs) and re-read some of my poems. I even penned a few verses which I would like to share with friends. So here goes:

“Swine flu
You caught me too
But remember H1N1,
you caught the wrong one
Modi is not the one to stun
The Mian across must catch your pun....”

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(as imagined by Ajith Pillai) OUTLOOK.